Monday, January 22, 2007

Introducing the anti-all-star team

While one game will be featuring the game’s best in Dallas on Wednesday, there’ll be a group of NHLers convening in Kansas City at the empty, yet-to-be-completed Sprint Center for a game of a different sort: the anti-all-star game.

These are the worst of the worst, the players who have struggled mightily this season, and their goal will be to show Missouri hockey fans just what their potential expansion franchise will look like.

Here are your anti-all-stars, with the Philadelphia Flyers well-represented:

Eastern Conference

Starters
Hannu Toivonen. 4.00 GAA, .881 save percentage.
Derian Hatcher. Is being outpointed by Robert Esche.
Sandis Ozolinsh. Career looks to be almost over.
Sergei Samsonov. One of worst off-season signings.
Mike York. -8 in 14 games since trade.
Kyle Calder. On pace for 23 points, -47 rating.

Reserves: (G) Marc Denis, Robert Esche (D) Pavel Kubina, Joni Pitkanen, Janne Niinimaa, Darius Kasparaitis (F) Ben Clymer, Vaclav Prospal, Sami Kapanen, R.J. Umberger, Niko Kapanen, Marcel Hossa, Aleksander Suglobov, Marco Sturm, Trent Hunter


Western Conference

Starters
Dan Cloutier. Horror-show season (.860 sv pct.) put out of misery by latest injury.
Adam Foote. -18 after 42 games.
Adrian Aucoin. What on earth happened to him?
Mark Bell. Giving poolies fits across the globe.
Gilbert Brule. On pace for 14-point rookie season.
Brian Willsie. 20-point pace a long fall from last year.

Reserves: (G) Barry Brust, Ty Conklin (D) Petteri Nummelin, Derek Morris, Oleg Tverdovsky, Jaroslav Modry (F) Nikolai Zherdev, Kevyn Adams, Dave Scatchard, Petr Nedved, Craig Conroy, Joffrey Lupul, Branko Radivojevic, Marc Chouinard, Pascal Dupuis

16 Comments:

At 1:54 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I nominate Hatcher right now for the LVP award?

 
At 2:00 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...Is being outpointed by Robert Esche...

Wow. just wow.

 
At 2:02 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Tyler said...

I didn't even know that Scatchard was still around...

 
At 2:37 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to see Hunter on the list. Guess the list was made up by looking at point totals. He's hit everything that moves and has fit in as an ideal third line winger. Not the scorer he looked like he might be his rookie year, but that isn't the role he is used in (i.e. no PP time).

 
At 3:15 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I beg to differ regarding Ben Clymer. T'wasn't his fault he was reconverted to a Dman early in the season, only to be thrown back to wing when it failed. He hustles on the energy line. Okay, his point production is low...

 
At 3:44 PM, January 22, 2007, Blogger Jes Gőlbez said...

Brule? The guy gets 7 mins a night playing with scrubs and goons. What is he supposed to do? I don't recall Joe Thornton lighting up the league in his first full year, either.

Enver Lisin would make a much better candidate

 
At 4:15 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot about Jassen Cullimore. He's been worse than Aucoin.

 
At 4:31 PM, January 22, 2007, Blogger James Mirtle said...

Brule's somehow managed to be -20 in those limited minutes, Jes. Besides, Lisin's no longer in the league.

Cullimore's also a good pick, although much more is expected of Aucoin.

 
At 5:36 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Matt Cooke needs to be there. As Crawford's bumboy he received icetime that was way out of proportion to his skill level, managing to scrub 45+/- points one year playing with some of the league's most talented players in a run&gun playing style. Now with Crow stinking it up in L.A., Cooke's back to being the useless scrub that everyone else knew he was. Which more or less makes him the skater equivalent of Dan Cloutier.

 
At 6:58 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just the concept of this alone made me bust a gut. You've heard of Fantasy Hockey? This is Fallacy Hockey.

 
At 8:35 PM, January 22, 2007, Blogger Kizz said...

Kaspar? Really? I mean, yeah, he's been milking the groin injury and resting on his laurels since everyone on the Rangers' squad is apparently paid too much to bother playing very hard but he CAN still play he just CHOOSES not to.

Oh, yeah, in print that makes him look even worse, so maybe you should move him up to first string in the Fallacy league.

 
At 8:42 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just choose not to breathe.
Sincerely,
Cycline Taylor.

 
At 8:43 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Cyclone

 
At 11:48 PM, January 22, 2007, Anonymous vadim sharifijanov said...

i beg to differ on pitkanen. obviously, he's not having a banner year and, statistically, he's among the league's worst (in +/-). but he's certainly not among the worst in the league on the ice. from what i've seen this year, he's just a good player on a very very bad team.

 
At 8:32 AM, January 23, 2007, Blogger alyosha mcbain said...

Kasparaitis is the one bad choice on an otherwise brilliant list. Karel Rachunek or Marek Malik deserve to be here instead of him. Malik has had the most dreadful season (regardless of plus/minus) of any defensemen I've seen who is not named Derian Hatcher.

And I agree--what the hell has happened to Adrian Aucoin, who was one of the NHL's most underrated d-men only three years ago?

 
At 9:54 PM, January 23, 2007, Anonymous ken said...

That's an awesome list.

I agree about Aucoin. Only a few years ago sportswriters were racing to see who could type the most about him.

 

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